Jayne B Shea

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Guest Post: A Demisexual Perspective & The Importance of Representation

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The Demisexual Flag

The Demisexual Flag

The majority of my mission with the Jayne Shea brand is to serve as a voice for the bisexual community and fight bisexual erasure. I'm here to represent a community that struggles for representation. So when a young demisexual person, reached out through Pinterest, I jumped at the chance to learn more about this similarly marginalized group and help her tell her story. The following is a guest post by Rose Reuben (pseudonym) intended to provide some insight into the demisexual perspective and hopefully inspire us all as a queer community to come together and be inclusive and supportive of anyone and everyone!

I am young (under 25) and for a long time I've been confused about my sexuality. I've never felt "straight"; I've always felt lost in a world of sex-driven people (not that that's bad, it's just alienating to me). I always knew that there was something different.

I started to look on LGBT+ communities online. They were so supportive of everyone there, and I learned a lot about different sexualities: asexuality, bisexuality, pansexual, etc., and the one that interested me the most was asexual. However, I knew that that wasn't what I was. I had felt sexual attraction to people, but only my closest friends. (PS, this didn't mean I didn't have crushes on people I barely knew. I just didn't feel any physical attraction to them). So, I kept searching until I found demisexuality. 

I felt a click instantly and knew that I had found out what I was. I still desired sex, but not in the way allosexuals did. It helped me a lot on discovering who I was as a person.

Being demisexual wasn't much of a problem, really. Nobody will discriminate against you (at least not a lot). It's simple. I never needed go " come out " to my parents. I never really cared too much.

The only (significant) problem I ever faced was the fact that I, a heteroromantic demisexual, wasn't included by everyone in the queer community. I'll admit, it had hurt to be excluded from such a loving community when I wasn't quite straight. I am queer.

I think that a lot of the people who had said "demisexuality isn't LGBT+" were sort of angry that us demis don't have it that hard. And it's true, sometimes I feel like I should not be included in such a group that is so diverse and have suffered a lot more than I have.

But I saw one post recently that helped me a lot. It was a post describing that everyone in Big Hero 6 was queer (I hadn't watched the movie). I don't remember which character, but one was a.. Can you guess? A heteroromantic demisexual. It made me so happy that someone included my sexuality and romabtisiam (technically I'm pan-curious, but so far only attracted sexually to men). That is why representation matters to me. 

Thanks again to Rose for sharing her perspective. I'd love to hear your experience and learn more about your flavor of sexuality. If you're willing to share your thoughts, please leave a comment or get in touch here on my website.